Today’s world poses many pressing challenges that will require worldwide collaboration to tackle: climate change, income inequality, and restricted press freedoms are only a few of the existential threats our society faces.
However, finally, a solution has been found to a problem that dwarfs these comparatively trivial niggles: Until recently, man has never been able to make purchases using a currency that uses as much electricity as Argentina whilst simultaneously exuding an unbearable smugness about their patchy knowledge of the financial system.
But fear not, my fellow citizens, that day has come! And boy are some people excited to tell you about it…
We interviewed local Bristolian taxi driver Otto Mobile to discuss his recent run-in with one such self-taught expert in cryptocurrency
“It was a monochrome Wednesday evening, 10PM, thinking this was just gonna be another normal day of work”, began Otto, gazing forlornly into the distance…
“A shadowy figure approached me from the street to hail my cab down, and I pulled over in accordance with Regulation IV of the United Kingdom Taxi Driver Operating Standard (cracking read by the way), but little did I was in for a nasty surprise…”
He continued, “As soon as I saw his TM Lewin suit, gel-soaked hair, and the “Grind, Hustle, Sleep, Repeat” sticker on the outside of his laptop, I knew I’d made a grave error.”
“He talked about Bitcoin and the blockchain for 45 minutes straight! I even bought £100 worth of Ethereum just to get him to shut the hell up. And even after all that, I still don’t know what a decentralised currency is, and to be honest I’m not really sure he did either…”
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