Big farmer kills magic mushroom researcher

Today, at 11.30 in an undisclosed Shropshire field a psilocybin researcher was shot dead by Andy Drinkwater the 6’7 200kg dairy farmer. Gavin Hedges ( Andy’s victim) was searching though the field psilocybin the substance he was researching is found within magic mushrooms, the most common of which being the liberty cap that can be found in many fields and forests around the UK around this time of the year. Unfotuanlty because of the 2005 psychoactive substance act it would have been illegal for Gavin to grow his own mushrooms, despite the fact they are non addictive and non lethal. This forced Gavin to take his research to the great out doors, and unluckily into Andy’s field. Although unproven it is thought that Gavin wanted to go to Andy’s field as the website https://www.magicmushroommap.com/ indicated it may be a good idea.

We asked Andy why he shot the father of two and he had this to say. “Well you see he was coming onto my land and interfering with my profits! He was literally stealing food from my cash cows mouths!”. And thus it seems despite psilocybin’s proven uses as an antidepressant big farmers will continue to restrict public access to them as it is better for their profits.

Andy was not charged for this crime as he was able to pay off the judges.